The Employee Exit Handbook: How To Fire Someone With Compassion And Respect

Read Time: 3 Minutes

Here's a scenario that's all too common:

• You ran a thoughtful recruiting process

• You onboarded them with clarity and care

• You set expectations and provided feedback

• You coached and developed consistently

And yet, you have an employee who cannot handle the role.

That might be because of the results they deliver (impact).
That might be because of how they deliver them (behavior).

Regardless, it's not working.

You have worked through The Spectrum of Underperformance and decided, "It's time to move on."

And yet, despite this clarity, many managers get stuck.

Here's what you need to do:

Doublecheck Your Work

Most managers don't take this decision lightly, so chances are you're right. Yet the consequences of the decision can erode confidence.

So ask yourself three questions:

1. Based on what you've learned, would you rehire them today?

2. Would a new hire take more than six months to catch them?

3. Would you keep this role "as-is" if it was vacant?

Unless you give a firm Yes to all three, move forward with confidence. You're doing what's best for them and the team.

Get Help Early

Many companies have strong HR departments. They tend to be much more effective advisors when working proactively than reactively.

Bring them into your thinking early so they can advise you on the right way to move forward, that is:

• Compliant with local employment lows

• Aligned with company policies

• Respectful and balanced

While this is hopefully a rare occurrence for you, they have far more experience with it. Leverage it!

Tip: The the first time you think, “This person might not be a fit” is when you call them.

Empty Seats Make A Lighter Boat

A lie we tell ourselves is that having someone in the role is better than the role being vacant. Most of the time, that’s not reality.

First, their underperformance is not going unnoticed, but you're dealing with it is. What you tolerate is resetting the floor of your culture.

Second, high performers are often slowed down by delicately trying to help while giving room. Creating space allows them to step in or up.

Lastly, the psychic weight on you as a leader is higher than expected. You'll keep re-legislating what's now a low ROI decision until it's made.

Make it!

Tip: Visualize alternative ways to achieve your goals without them. Compare the cost of continuing as-is. It is almost always a) cheaper and b) more likely to surprise on the upside without them.

Be Clear

They should understand your decision within the first 2 minutes of the meeting. No pre-amble is required.

Once you've said it, own your decision.
Don't pass the buck to forces "outside you’re control.” It's disingenuous.

Be clear about whether it was performance or a change in priority.
But don't feel compelled to elaborate.

It's not a debate to have.
It's a decision you’ve already made.

Be Conservative

Some people will take it well. Some won't.
Some will see the logic. Others will get emotional.

While there's more we can do to support the people leaving, your priority is the team that's staying and the company it's a part of.

If you're worried this news could go sideways...

• Be ready to cut off access.

• Be prepared with severance details.

• Be willing to include someone as a witness.

You're better off being overprepared than caught off guard.

Be Compassionate

You were the one to make the decision.
You're not the one who chooses how they react.

For some, it will be a relief.
For others, it will be a devastating blow.

Be compassionate because it's the right thing.
Or be compassionate because your team is watching.

Either way, be human.

Tip: Acknowledge their feelings.
Understanding their pain doesn’t degrade your decision.

Be Creative

Firing someone is hard.
It's hard the first time. It's hard every time.

However, one thing that made it easier for me was data.

That data came in the form of people who were clearly B-players on my team thriving as A-players in a new context.

We all like to win, but sometimes, we need a nudge to leave this game and enter the right one.  

Tip: Make the future more appealing than the past. Paint a picture of where you see them winning. Make an intro if you can.

What You Missed

Here’s what you missed from me on LinkedIn:

• 17 Painful (But Avoidable) Leadership Lessons

• How To Get Reimbursed For Training (Even With No Formal Policy)

• The Unanswered Questions of “Founder’s Mode”

Here’s what you missed from me on X/Twitter:

• How 1 Hour A Day Can Make You A Top 1% Leader

• Delegation 101: Win More By Doing Less

• Find Your Team’s Energy Leak

I’d also love to know what playbooks would be most helpful to you. Hit reply and tell me your biggest management challenge.

You’ll always remain anonymous unless you tell me otherwise.

Thank you for reading. Appreciate you!

Dave