The Seflish Science of Appreciation | Why Leaders Make Gratitude Their Attitude

Read Time: 3 minutes.

I inherited a team that was utterly broken. Their previous manager was fired, and I was told to “clean house.” It was not a request.

But the situation didn’t make any sense to me:

• The team was highly qualified and experienced

• They were paid well above market

• Business was booming

So I accepted the gig but asked for 6 weeks to figure out who I could keep and who had to go. Getting people to bounce back was hard, but it was cheaper and easier than recruiting a whole new team.

I asked everyone to keep doing what they were doing while I came up the curve. What I saw was the zombie apocalypse of work: everyone was taking the right steps, but each one was tortured, joyless, damn near lifeless.

My aha moment came a couple of weeks in. One of our more junior analysts stayed incredibly late one night to turn something around for the client.

Was it perfect? No.

Did I appreciate the effort? Yes.

“Damn Charlie, that’s a helluva heroic effort. I appreciate you.”

I happened to say it in front of a few other teammates. Everyone’s heads, including Charlie’s, turned like I had broken something dramatically.

“What?” he stammered. Almost as if he had misheard me.

“I appreciate you,” I reiterated, with even a touch more enthusiasm. “Thank you for going the extra mile. I’m sure the client will be thrilled.”

Charlie was there late again a few nights later. A couple of his peers too. Including the ones who overheard me praising Charlie.

“It’s a marathon, not a sprint,” I told everyone. “But thank you for helping us nail this.” They nodded and dove back into their work.

By the time we hit six weeks, the house had put itself back in order. I fired precisely zero people. I didn’t change the work. I didn’t reorganize the team. I didn’t send them out to do trust falls.

I simply made a habit of saying, “Thank you.”

And those who were appreciated started appreciating others. The recognition virus spread, and the team lived up to their qualifications. They earned their above-market pay. We had people clamoring to join.

“How’d you do it?”

My honest answer: I was mostly being selfish.

Gratitude is Selfish

It’s proven to benefit our well-being. The benefits include:

• less stress

• fewer sick days

• higher job satisfaction

• more positive emotions

• increased trust and teamwork

Study after study shows the positive effect on our emotional and physical well-being. And since we spend the majority of our waking hours at work, you’d be pretty foolish not to work this in.

I knew this turnaround was going to be brutal. So, for my own sake, I wanted to make sure I found joy in the process. So I hunted for wins.

Go ahead, be selfish by saying, “Thank you.”

Gratitude is Really Selfish

Want to make it even more about you? Sharing your gratitude with others can help you. It’s proven to open the doors for even more help.

A simple thank you makes the recipient 2x more likely to help next time. And it makes them nearly 3x more likely to help someone else the next time they’re asked.

I knew that to get a good read on the situation and hopefully keep some of the team intact, I needed access. And help. I wanted those who helped me to want to help me again. Even better, I was genuinely grateful. So why not say it?

So even if you can’t get behind the positive impact it’ll have on others, remember that it is likely to ripple through your team and make them 2-3x more likely to help each other.

Gratitude Optimized

Now that you’re making gratitude a focus, you might as well maximize it’s impact. It’s like going to the gym. You’ve already decided to show up. You might as well practice good form.

Here are a few simple guidelines:

Genuine - I’m the first to tell leaders they should actively hunt for things to be appreciative of. But here’s the thing: you have to mean it. You’re better off hunting for something you genuinely care about than offering hollow praise.

Timely - Generally speaking, the sooner, the better. It helps reinforce that what they were doing was important and impactful since you noticed immediately. Don’t overcomplicate in search of the perfect moment.