Stop Trying to Convince People to Change

Read Time: 3 minutes.

For the first time in two and a half years, I've struggled to write this playbook. I've started and stopped multiple times. I believe in the power of shipping as a forcing function.

But I just couldn't hit send.

• The topics: flat.

• The advice: average.

• The writing: uninspired.

I value your time too much to send you something that might waste it.

So I took my first week off since we started.

And yet, despite my struggles at the keyboard, I was having incredible conversations with my CEOs and the leaders in our current MGMT Accelerator cohort.

Dozens of them.

So, instead of toiling over the perfect playbook that just won't seem to appear, I thought I'd bring you into a few of those conversations over the next couple of weeks (while protecting the innocent of course).

Here’s a real problem a leader like you is wrestling with right now.

My Team Refuses To Embrace New Ideas

"I'm using your 1:1 meeting template and loving it. And half of my managers have really taken to it as well. Unfortunately, the other half refuses to do the same. How can I convince people who think differently to adopt a common practice that I think is better for the company and them?"

Here's the harsh truth: You can't convince someone to change who doesn't feel pain from their current approach.

I see this pattern constantly. A leader discovers a better way to operate:

• Maybe it's a new meeting cadence,

• Maybe it’s a fancy feedback framework, or

• Maybe it’s a perfect planning process.

They get excited. They roll it out. Half the team fully embraces it.

And the other half becomes passive-aggressive resistors.

Sound familiar?

The problem isn't your idea. The problem is your change management approach.

What We Get Wrong About Adoption

We Lead With Benefits Instead of Problems Most leaders pitch the upside: "This will make you more effective!" But your resistors aren't walking around thinking they're ineffective. They’re convinced they're performing well and their overwhelm is temporary.

Until they see the gap between their current performance and what's expected, the "solution" feels like a tax on their time.

We Assume Intellectual Agreement Equals Behavioral Change Just because someone nods in the meeting doesn't mean they'll execute. Most people intellectually understand that exercise is good for them. How's that working out?

Change requires more than understanding. It requires feeling the consequences of not changing.

We Treat All Resistance the Same There are different types of resistors:

• The Skeptical: "This won't work in my situation."

• The Overwhelmed: "I don't have time for this."

• The Experienced: "I don't need coaching."

• The Territorial: "My way is better."

Each requires a tailored approach.

The Performance Gap Formula

Instead of selling the solution, surface the problem using this three-step approach:

Step 1: Align on Current Performance 

Have each manager independently grade their performance in the area your new approach addresses. Use a 1-5 scale where 3 is "meeting expectations."

Then you grade them independently.

Compare and reconcile the scores in your next 1:1.

Step 2: Explore the Gap 

When you find disagreement (and you will), get curious:

• "Help me understand why you see it differently"

• "If you were in my shoes, what would concern you?"

• "What would need to be true for you to see this as a 2 instead of a 4?"

Step 3: Connect Performance to Consequences 

Don't make threats. Make connections:

• "If we keep doing it this way, how will the team close the gap?"

• "How does this impact our ability to hit our goals?"

• "What opportunities might we miss?"

The Adoption Accelerator

Once they feel the gap, use this sequence:

Author Together Don't dictate the solution. Ask: "If you wanted to improve from a 2 to a 4 in this area, what would you try?"

Help them arrive at something close to your approach. Ownership is more sustainable than compliance.

Start Small Don't ask for full adoption immediately. Pick one element they can test for two weeks. Success breeds more success.

Measure and Adjust Check in weekly: "How's the experiment going? What's working? What isn't?"

Be willing to modify based on their feedback. Rigid systems break under pressure.

Remember: The goal isn't perfect compliance. It's improved performance. If they find a different path to the same outcome, celebrate it.

What You Missed This Week

Our Wednesday AM posts:

📌 Handling Micromanagers (Dave on LI)
📌 11 Lessons to Get Unstuck (Mar on LI)
📌 My Advice for Recent Grads (Dave on X)

And here are our most popular posts last week:

1. The Different Levels of Management (Dave on LI)

2. Leaders Speak Up (Especially When It’s Hard) (Mar on LI)

3. How to Handle Underperformers (Dave on X)

Our goal is to build a community of 1 million thoughtful, curious leaders.

You can help us by sharing anything that resonates with you.  

Thank you for reading. Appreciate you!

Dave & Mar